Kim hosts like the whole league is invited to a housewarming.
Welcome, welcome, make yourselves at home!
Known for: Welcomes the opponent like a houseguest, at most once a show, a different gift each time (a welcome basket, a spare key, a guest towel)
Picks on Sarah Merrygold: Gives a long welcome to the visitors, says they're out of time, and cuts Sarah off right before she calls something historic.
The file
Brought a welcome basket for every opponent
Has a "new team" banner on her desk
Manny Mastodon
Studio analyst
Manny plays like a mammoth and claims to be descended from one.
That's a prehistoric hit!
Known for: Calls a hit "prehistoric" and explains which ice age it belongs to, one or two a show
Picks on Salty Flats: Argues every point at length through the ice age and keeps losing to Salty's two-word verdicts.
The file
Keeps a woolly mammoth plush on the desk
Has a tusk-shaped trophy
Salty Flats
Studio analyst
Salty brings the stats, skips the pleasantries, and ends most arguments in two words.
Short version: no.
Known for: Ends Manny's ice-age argument in two blunt words ("Too slow."), and is right
Picks on Manny Mastodon: Reminds Manny, flatly and on purpose, that the stat is from tonight, and wins every exchange by saying less.
The file
Has never needed a third word on air
Keeps tonight's stat sheet folded in her blazer pocket
Matt McConnect
Play-by-play
Matt calls a calm, seasoned game and always knows which team he's calling. Mostly.
After thirty years, I know exactly which arena I'm in. Mostly.
Known for: Double-checks which team he's calling for in a flat voice, at most once a show
Picks on Dom Moorebetter: Questions Dom's unlikely connections in a flat voice, and corrects his botched goal re-calls.
The file
Keeps a suitcase packed in the booth
Keeps a map of which team he's on
Dom Moorebetter
Color analyst
Dom knows somebody on every roster, he says, and he'll tell you how. The details change every time.
I played with his cousin, actually.
Known for: Claims a connection to a player tonight, a more unlikely one each show
Picks on Matt McConnect: Reminds Matt which team he's calling, then claims to know Matt's cousin too.
The file
Keeps a sticky note of every connection he has claimed on air
Has a contacts list longer than the roster
Grew up skating at a little mountain-town rink where his dad drove the ice resurfacer
Sarah Merrygold
Rinkside reporter
Sarah treats every night as historic, because for this team it kind of is.
It's a historic night! Every night is!
Known for: Calls a trivial warmup detail a historic first, as breaking news, one per show
Picks on Kim Bakewell: Calls each cut-off a historic first, through her teeth.
The file
Has a scrapbook of every "first" the team has had
Calls every game "historic"
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
