Andy Strictly
Studio host
Andy hosts with an insider's note always ready. It is never as quick as he promises.
I've got a quick note from the tunnel.
Known for: Has a quick note from the tunnel that turns out long and trivial, at most once a show, a different note each time
Picks on Gateway Gail: Gives his own long note from the tunnel, says they're out of time, and cuts Gail off right before her best fact.
The file- Keeps sneakers on to run to the tunnel
- Has a note for everything
Bernie Federcoat
Studio analyst
Bernie has a gentle correction for every play and every panelist, and is almost always right.
Well, that's not quite how I'd do it.
Known for: Ends Cam's loud breakdown with a gentle five-word correction, and is right
Picks on Cam Jansonite: Says "not quite" to Cam on purpose before he's finished, and wins every exchange by saying less.
The file- Keeps a red pen at the desk for the stat sheet
- Wears a lucky blue sweater
Cam Jansonite
Studio analyst
Cam is new to the desk, loud, lovable and still checking if the mic is on.
Is this mic on? It is? OKAY!
Known for: Taps his mic and asks if it's on before a big take, at most once a show
Picks on Bernie Federcoat: Argues every point louder and longer, in case his mic is off, and keeps losing to Bernie's five gentle words.
The file- Has a sticky note on his mic that says ON
- Taps every mic before speaking
Chris Curbside
Play-by-play
Chris calls for TV and radio at once and makes sure both audiences know it.
For those listening, and watching, it's a goal!
Known for: Describes something pointless for the radio audience in a flat voice, one or two a show
Picks on Joey Vitality: Describes Joey's antics flatly for the radio audience, and corrects his botched goal re-calls.
The file- Has called games on both TV and radio at the same time
- Wears a headset on each ear
Joey Vitality
Color analyst
Joey brings energy to every replay and believes it explains everything. Coffee helps.
That play had VITALITY!
Known for: Rates a play on his vitality scale with an absurd number, a different number each show
Picks on Chris Curbside: Says Chris's calls lack vitality, and doubles down louder when corrected.
The file- Drinks four coffees before every game
- Has never sat down during a broadcast
- Grew up in a small Missouri river town, skating on a frozen farm pond
Gateway Gail
Rinkside reporter
Gail reports only facts, delivered with the pace of a slow sunset.
Here are... the facts.
Known for: Delivers a trivial warmup fact at a dramatic, slow pace, as breaking news, one per show
Picks on Andy Strictly: Pauses even longer after every cut-off, to make a point.
The file- Owns an arch-shaped mic flag
- Has never repeated a rumor
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
