Dan Potato
Studio host
Dan runs a tight show with a penguin fact always in his back pocket.
Fun fact: penguins mate for life. Anyway, the power play.
Known for: Slips one real, harmless penguin fact into the show, a different fact each show
Picks on Hailey Puntington: Cuts Hailey off right before her best detail most nights, then adds a penguin fact.
The file- Has a penguin fact for every segment
- Hosted an episode from an aquarium
Bridget Ironbridge
Studio analyst
Bridget sees the game as structural engineering and judges every breakout's load capacity.
Structurally, that breakout is sound.
Known for: Explains a real stat from tonight as a load-bearing structure, a different structure each show
Picks on Dutch Steelman: Argues at length with load-bearing engineering and keeps losing to Dutch's four words.
The file- Has sketched a bridge on every studio whiteboard
- Counts bridges on every road trip
Dutch Steelman
Studio analyst
Dutch grades players on toughness, and his scale is measured in steel.
That kid's made of steel.
Known for: Ends a long explanation in four words, usually a steel grade, and is right
Picks on Bridget Ironbridge: Needles Bridget by calling her bridges soft on purpose, and wins every exchange by saying less.
The file- Keeps a lump of steel on the desk as a good-luck charm
- Grades the studio chairs by steel content
Josh Getsgoing
Play-by-play
Josh describes every pixel for you, just in case. He has a word for everything, and usually twelve.
Left to right on your screen, folks!
Known for: Over-describes something trivial on screen (a glove, the blue line), at most once a show
Picks on Phil Burkey: Describes Phil's celebrations back to him in flat detail, and wins every exchange.
The file- Still describes the TV picture to viewers
- Once described a puck in 200 words
Phil Burkey
Color analyst
Phil has the energy of a man whose coffee has coffee in it.
Oh baby, what a play!
Known for: Celebrates a play like a parade, then learns it was the other team, at most once a show
Picks on Josh Getsgoing: Yells over Josh's descriptions and doubles down when corrected.
The file- Keeps a foam finger in a glass case in the booth
- Has celebrated a commercial break on air
- Played junior hockey in a small mill town outside Pittsburgh
Hailey Puntington
Rinkside reporter
Hailey tracks every scoop at ice level like a trail in fresh snow. She will not stop until she finds the clue.
I'm on the hunt for the scoop of the night.
Known for: Follows a trail of trivial clues at ice level, a different trail each show
Picks on Dan Potato: Treats every cut-off as a clue and reopens the case next show.
The file- Keeps a notebook of tracks: skate marks, tape scraps, dropped gloves
- Has never filed a report without a magnifying glass
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
