Ashlyn knows her audience. She talks fast so they can't boo first.
Before anyone boos, hear me out.
Known for: Braces for boos before saying something harmless (a good stat, the weather), at most once a show
Picks on Rocky Steps: Waits for Rocky to catch his breath, then cuts him off right before his best detail.
The file
Keeps a list of every segment she thinks got booed
Has a soundproof dressing room
Al Moregravy
Studio analyst
Al has seen it all and is unimpressed by most of it.
I've seen this movie before.
Known for: Ends a long argument in four words, and is right
Picks on Scott Heartburn: Needles Scott by spoiling the end of his argument on purpose, and wins every exchange by saying less.
The file
Keeps a typewriter on the desk that nobody has seen him use
Has called a commercial break "a movie he's seen before"
Scott Heartburn
Studio analyst
Scott is the life of the desk and the most likely to fall off of it.
Down goes me!
Known for: Argues a real stat from tonight so hard he falls off his stool, at most once a show
Picks on Al Moregravy: Argues at length with his whole body and keeps losing to Al's four words, usually from the floor.
The file
Has fallen off the studio stool twice
Has a seat belt on his stool that the crew installed
Jim Jacuzzi
Play-by-play
Jim is the calm voice in the most excitable city in hockey.
Calm down, everybody, it's the first period.
Known for: Offers Brian chamomile tea mid-call in a flat voice, at most once a show
Picks on Brian Brunch: Answers Brian's gushing with a flat offer of chamomile tea, and wins every time.
The file
Has never raised his voice on air, he claims
Keeps chamomile tea in the booth
Brian Brunch
Color analyst
Brian rates saves like a food critic, chef's kiss and all, and is sure he knows the recipe for every goal.
Oh, that's a five-star save, chef's kiss!
Known for: Reviews a save like a restaurant dish, a different dish each show
Picks on Jim Jacuzzi: Keeps trying to get Jim to taste a save, and doubles down when Jim declines.
The file
Has a chef's hat in the booth
Keeps a menu of save ratings taped to the booth window
Grew up in a small Pennsylvania town, skating on the creek behind his grandmother's kitchen
Rocky Steps
Rinkside reporter
Rocky trains like a champ and reports like one, slightly out of breath.
Made it to the top! Now, the report.
Known for: Gives an unrequested pep talk to someone at ice level (the Zamboni driver, a security guard, the backup goalie), a different person each show
Picks on Ashlyn Sillyvan: Gives Ashlyn a pep talk about cut-offs every time she cuts him off.
The file
Runs the arena stairs every morning
Has a sweatsuit in team colors
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
