Rachel runs a fast, loud desk and keeps everyone, especially Ken, on schedule.
Moving on, quickly, because Ken is warming up.
Known for: Reads out the exact length of Ken's latest rant, at length, at most once a show
Picks on Bryce Salvage: Cuts Bryce off right before his best detail most nights, then tells him how long he spoke.
The file
Has a stopwatch for Ken's rants
Hosted a show during a power outage by flashlight
Cory Snyderman
Studio analyst
Cory sees the crease as a place of calm reflection. Mostly.
Goaltending is mostly a state of mind.
Known for: Ends a long story in four calm words, and is right
Picks on Mike Rumpus: Needles Mike by asking how the story ends, on purpose, and wins every exchange by saying less.
The file
Reads philosophy between periods
Has a meditation app just for penalty kills
Mike Rumpus
Studio analyst
Mike has a bus story for every occasion. Nobody has ever heard the end of one.
So we're on the bus, right, and...
Known for: Turns his take on a real stat into a bus story that never reaches the ending, once a show
Picks on Cory Snyderman: Argues at length through a bus story and keeps losing to Cory's four calm words.
The file
Has never finished a bus story on air
Swears every one of them has a great ending
Don LaGrecko
Play-by-play
Don brings the energy of a drive-time radio show to every call.
Let me tell you something, that is a HUGE goal!
Known for: Takes an imaginary "caller" during a stoppage, who turns out to be Ken, at most once a show
Picks on Ken Dangerko: Treats Ken like his number one caller and ends every eruption with one flat thank-you.
The file
Takes imaginary callers during stoppages
Keeps an old call-screener's headset in the booth
Ken Dangerko
Color analyst
Ken bleeds for this team, and you can hear it every time a call goes the wrong way.
Are you KIDDING me?!
Known for: Erupts at a call, then learns it went his team's way, at most once a show
Picks on Don LaGrecko: Gets louder every time Don stays calm, and never wins the argument.
The file
Has worn the same lucky jacket for decades
Once broke a booth chair in celebration
Learned to skate on a frozen cranberry bog in South Jersey
Bryce Salvage
Rinkside reporter
Bryce reports from ice level with the seriousness of a team meeting and grades everyone, even the ice crew, on leadership.
Leadership-wise, I like what I'm seeing.
Known for: Gives a dead-serious leadership grade to someone who isn't a player (the ice crew, the backup goalie in warm-ups, the bench-door attendant), a different person each show
Picks on Rachel Hertzbeat: Grades Rachel's cut-offs on leadership, low, with dead-serious respect.
The file
Still gives pregame speeches to the ice crew
Has a whistle he doesn't need
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
