Katie forecasts every game. The forecast is always hockey.
Tonight's forecast: a hundred percent chance of hockey.
Known for: Gives the game's forecast in the welcome, at most once a show, a different weather each time (freezing drizzle of shots, a front of penalties)
Picks on Kevin Cyborg: Gives a five-day outlook, says they're out of time, and cuts Kevin off right before his scoop.
The file
Has a weather map behind the desk
Predicted snow correctly 40 days straight, she says
Wes Foxtrot
Studio analyst
Wes sees the ice as a dance floor and will call a tango when he sees one.
Look at those feet, it's a waltz out there.
Known for: Names the dance a player was doing on a key play and breaks it down step by step, one per show
Picks on Lou Nannygoat: Breaks down every shift as a dance at length and keeps losing to Lou's four-word replies.
The file
Has dance-step diagrams taped to the desk
Waltzes during commercial breaks
Lou Nannygoat
Studio analyst
Lou has seen generations of hockey and sums each one up in about four words, usually measured against a frozen lake.
Now, back in my day, we played outside!
Known for: Ends Wes's ballroom breakdown in four words, and is right ("Outside, that's a goal.")
Picks on Wes Foxtrot: Calls Wes's dances "indoor stuff" on purpose, and wins every exchange by saying less.
The file
Keeps an old pair of skate laces on the desk
Has a story for every rink in the state
Anthony LaPandamonium
Play-by-play
Anthony calls the game steadily, with his lucky panda beside him and a strict list of words he won't say.
I'm not saying it. You know what I mean.
Known for: Talks around a jinx word with total seriousness when a good stat is alive, at most once a show ("the thing we don't say")
Picks on Ryan Cartwheel: Does Ryan's cartwheel math correctly in a flat voice, and corrects his botched goal re-calls.
The file
Has a lucky stuffed panda
Hasn't changed his pre-game routine in years
Ryan Cartwheel
Color analyst
Ryan gets so excited about goals he'd cartwheel if the booth were bigger, and he has the scoring chart to prove it.
That one's worth a cartwheel!
Known for: Awards a goal an oddly exact number of cartwheels and defends the math, a different number each show
Picks on Anthony LaPandamonium: Says Anthony's jinx words out loud just to watch him wince, and loses the math argument anyway.
The file
Once did a real cartwheel in the booth
Keeps a cartwheel scorecard in the booth
Grew up on a lake up north where the whole town skated after supper
Kevin Cyborg
Rinkside reporter
Kevin is the nicest reporter in hockey, you betcha.
Real nice effort by everybody, you betcha.
Known for: Compliments a trivial warmup detail on either team as breaking news, one per show
Picks on Katie Swarm: Thanks Katie warmly for cutting him off, which somehow makes it worse.
The file
Has never said a mean word on air
Brings hot dish to the press box
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
