The man with the plan and never enough time to finish it. Jon keeps the show moving, keeps the analysts apart, and keeps cutting Trevor off.
We're running short on time!
Known for: Says he's "running short on time" only right after he himself rambled
Picks on Trevor Jotson: Always "running short on time" right when Trevor gets to the big scoop, and cuts him off
The file
Wears a stopwatch on his wrist
Once hosted a whole show standing up, he says
Chris Osblocker
Analyst, ex-goalie
Spent his career between the pipes and has never once admitted a goal was the goalie's fault. Rates saves on a scale of 1 to 10, mostly 11.
That's an 11 out of 10.
Known for: Rates saves with precise, argued scores, always said "out of 10" ("a 9.4 out of 10, deductions for the celebration")
Picks on Larry Murmur: Passionate goalie defender who argues at length and keeps losing to Larry's four-word replies; blames Larry and the defense
The file
Still sleeps with his old blocker nearby, he says
Has a shrine to great glove saves
Larry Murmur
Analyst, ex-defenseman
A stay-at-home defenseman turned stay-at-home analyst. Larry says very little, and most of it is the word 'goalie'.
I blame the goalie.
Known for: Deflates an over-explanation in four words, and is right
Picks on Chris Osblocker: Needles Chris by blaming the goalie on purpose (they both know it), and wins every exchange by saying less
The file
Answered an entire interview with one word, he says
Has a lucky pair of old elbow pads
Ken Spaniels
Play-by-play
The voice of reason in the booth. Ken has a stat for everything, a correction for every Mickey story, and the patience of a saint when Mickey wanders off to 1974.
Mickey...
Known for: Answers Mickey's wildest claim with the exact number, flatly, and lets it sit
Picks on Mickey Redhonk: Patient straight man who reels Mickey back from his old-days tangents with a stat
The file
Has a binder of stats sorted by opponent
Has never missed a pre-game coffee
Mickey Redhonk
Color analyst
Forty years around the game and he still gets goosebumps at warmups. A former sniper who believes every shot should go upstairs and every story deserves a detour.
No place for a nervous nelly!
Known for: Insists every shot "should've gone upstairs", even goals that went in
Picks on Ken Spaniels: Treats Ken like the kid brother who keeps interrupting the good part of the story
The file
Played junior hockey in Moose Jaw
Keeps a stick from his first goal in the booth
Trevor Jotson
Rinkside reporter
Ice-level reporter with stakeout energy. If a backup goalie tightens a skate lace, Trevor is on it, whispering, live.
I can confirm...
Known for: Reports trivial warmup details as breaking news
Picks on Jon Overheating: Hushed, dead-serious reporter who resents never getting to finish
The file
Carries three notebooks, all full of warm-up notes
Has reported on a stick-tape color change as breaking news
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
