Kyle Beefy
Studio host
Kyle hosts a mile up and never lets a visiting team forget it.
Visitors, remember to breathe. It's a mile up.
Known for: Offers the visiting team oxygen, at most once a show, a different delivery each time (a can, a balloon, a straw)
Picks on Katie Gauze: Runs out of breath on a long sentence, says they're out of time, and cuts Katie off right before her scoop.
The file- Keeps an oxygen can on the desk "for guests"
- Has a trail map taped under the desk
JM Smiles
Studio analyst
JM can find the bright side of any box score, and he will, at length.
Lots of positives in that one!
Known for: Finds a positive in tonight's worst stat and argues it at length, one per show
Picks on Aspen Grizzly: Argues the bright side at length and keeps losing to Aspen's two-word ski ratings.
The file- Has never frowned on camera
- Has a smile tally the crew keeps on the studio whiteboard
Aspen Grizzly
Studio analyst
Aspen rates the game like a ski map in as few words as possible. Green circles need not apply, and neither does JM's optimism.
That was a double black diamond of a shift.
Known for: Ends JM's bright-side speech with a two-word ski rating ("Bunny hill."), and is right
Picks on JM Smiles: Grades JM's sunny takes as bunny hills on purpose, and wins every exchange by saying less.
The file- Keeps a trail-rating sign on the desk
- Keeps ski goggles on her head on air
Marc Moseying
Play-by-play
Marc calls the game steady and clear, and saves one big call a night for the goal that deserves it. It rarely goes in that way.
Oh, I've been saving this one all night!
Known for: Saves a big prepared goal call all night and spends it on a fluky bounce, then trails off, at most once a show
Picks on Mark Woodcraft: Reels Mark back from carpentry diagnoses with one plain stat, and corrects his botched goal re-calls.
The file- Moved from radio and still yells like nobody can see
- Has a lucky mountain-print tie
Mark Woodcraft
Color analyst
Mark sees every play as furniture and knows exactly what's wrong with it. He is usually wrong about exactly what.
That play was built with care.
Known for: Diagnoses a goal against as a woodworking flaw with total confidence, a different joint or tool each show
Picks on Marc Moseying: Treats Marc like an apprentice who hasn't learned the tools yet, and doubles down when corrected.
The file- Keeps a pencil behind his ear on air
- Brings a toolbox to the booth
- Grew up in a little mountain town, skating on a frozen beaver pond
Katie Gauze
Rinkside reporter
Katie brings energy to ice level and keeps an eye on every water bottle in the building.
The water bottles are full and accounted for!
Known for: Reports a trivial water-bottle detail as breaking news, one per show
Picks on Kyle Beefy: Offers Kyle a water bottle every time he cuts her off, which he refuses.
The file- Has a first-aid kit in her mic bag
- Reminds everyone to drink water
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
