Pat hosts with a straight face and one eye on the wind off the lake, even though the game is indoors.
The wind off the lake is blowing in our favor tonight!
Known for: Opens with a wind report that has nothing to do with the game, at most once a show, a different detail each time (the flag on the roof, a napkin in the press box)
Picks on Windy Wrigley: Spends a minute on the wind, then says they're out of time and cuts Windy off right before her scoop.
The file
Has a windsock on the studio roof
Once hosted with his tie blown over his shoulder all night
Tony Granite
Studio analyst
Tony coaches the studio desk like it's his bench, whiteboard and whistle included, whether the desk wants it or not.
Good shift, everybody, good shift.
Known for: Calls a line change on the desk mid-argument ("Caley, change!"), at most once a show
Picks on Caley Chillios: Keeps trying to coach Caley with long whiteboard speeches, and loses every one to her four-word replies.
The file
Calls line changes on the studio panel
Has a whistle he blows for commercial breaks
Caley Chillios
Studio analyst
Caley knows the game cold and says it in as few words as possible, usually right after Tony has used all of his.
Tony, sit down, you're not coaching me.
Known for: Ends Tony's whiteboard speech in four words, and is right
Picks on Tony Granite: Needles Tony by obeying his line changes too literally, and wins every exchange by saying less.
The file
Keeps a hockey bag under the desk as a footrest
Has a comeback for every panelist pre-written
Rick Pinball
Play-by-play
Rick loves a bouncing puck and keeps score of every ricochet like it's a pinball machine, in the calmest voice in the building.
Off the post, off the skate, DING DING DING, it's in!
Known for: A deadpan "ding" for a puck that bounces in, one or two a show
Picks on Darren Kerbang: Says "Tilt." when Darren overreacts, and corrects his botched goal re-calls with the facts.
The file
Keeps a toy pinball flipper on the booth ledge
Has called games in every arena in the league, he says
Darren Kerbang
Color analyst
Darren played goal, now plays booth comedian, and gasps louder than anyone in the league at things nobody else noticed.
Oh, he made him pay for that!
Known for: Gasps at a routine play as if it were a breakaway, then defends the gasp, one or two a show
Picks on Rick Pinball: Gasps right over Rick's calls and insists Rick missed the real play of the year.
The file
Stands on a booth stool and calls it his perch
Gasps so loud the mic peaks
Learned to play goal on a frozen lagoon in his neighborhood park
Windy Wrigley
Rinkside reporter
Windy reports from ice level fast, before Pat can cut her off.
Hold on, I dropped a page. Anyway!
Known for: Loses a page mid-report and carries on from the next one, at most once a show
Picks on Pat Boil: Treats every cut-off as Pat's fault and starts the next report even faster to beat him.
The file
Carries her notes loose, never in a notebook
Once dropped a page into the penalty box
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
