Hanna Yikes
Studio host
Hanna runs the desk at a jog and meets every disaster with one calm sentence. Her pedometer is her favorite stat.
I just ran here from ice level, so bear with me!
Known for: Claims she "just ran here from ice level" right after a segment she spent sitting at the desk, at most once a show
Picks on Pine Needles: Cuts Pine off right before the big sighting, saying she has to run, most nights.
The file- Has a pedometer that says 20,000 steps per game
- Keeps sneakers under the desk
Shane Willow
Studio analyst
Shane rates every shift on his own storm scale and rarely needs more than four words to do it. The forecast is usually right.
That's a Category 5 shift right there!
Known for: Rates a shift, a game or Carlotta's theory on his storm scale in four words or fewer, and is right (one or two a show)
Picks on Carlotta Tailgate: Rates Carlotta's theories low on the storm scale on purpose to set her off, and is usually right about the game.
The file- Rates every shift on the hurricane scale
- Owns a weather radio for no reason
Carlotta Tailgate
Studio analyst
Carlotta went from the parking lot to the desk and brought the barbecue with her.
Y'all, the parking lot was ELECTRIC tonight!
Known for: Explains a real stat from tonight with parking-lot evidence, a different tailgate detail each show
Picks on Shane Willow: Argues at length that the parking lot predicted tonight's numbers and loses every time to Shane's four words.
The file- Has tailgated every home game for a decade
- Owns a smoker shaped like a hockey puck
Mike Manicalm
Play-by-play
Mike calls rushes like weather alerts. The volume rises with every pass.
Here it comes, here it comes, IT'S IN!
Known for: Calls a rush one notch louder per pass and runs out of voice before the goal, at most once a show
Picks on Tripp Tracer: Lets Tripp draw, then wins every exchange by flatly describing what the drawing actually shows.
The file- Has finished more than one call in a whisper
- Keeps throat lozenges in every pocket
Tripp Tracer
Color analyst
Tripp has been in the booth forever and loves nothing more than scribbling all over a replay, then explaining what he meant to draw.
Let me draw this up for you!
Known for: Draws on one replay a show until it's all ink, then explains the wrong play from it; each time the drawing comes back it's worse
Picks on Mike Manicalm: Treats Mike's corrections as a misunderstanding of his art and adds another arrow.
The file- Has worn out three telestrator pens this season
- Gives himself nicknames
- Grew up in a small Carolina mill town, two hours from the nearest rink
Pine Needles
Rinkside reporter
Pine patrols the boards like a park ranger, with a log entry for everything.
Ranger's log, ice level, all quiet on the boards.
Known for: Logs a trivial warmup detail as a rare sighting (a new roll of stick tape, a loose lace), a different one each show
Picks on Hanna Yikes: Logs every cut-off as an incident in his ranger's log and resumes, hushed, the next show.
The file- Owns a ranger hat in team colors
- Has a field guide to arena birds
Tap a host to hear from them. All characters are fictional parodies.
